First Anal Play Tips!?

Dear Couch,

May I first say that I find your column to be very amusing, and very frank it reminds me of Dan Savage's excellent radio show, way back when. Kudos! My questions involve anal play: I'm currently involved online with a woman that I'm very much interested in meeting, and we plan to make anal play a part of our lovemaking should we decide to take our relationship further when I return from Bosnia. She's very into experimenting, and I'm very anal-erotic, so we think this form of love-making will be quite rewarding, but I would like to do everything I can to ensure her pleasure in this.

So: First, can you go into more detail as to anal douching? She's a nurse, and tells me that enemas create unsettled stomachs and may make love-making unrealistic for many hours afterwards... can you describe/expand? Second, where can oral dams be bought, generally? I find the idea of rimming her very exciting, but, again, she cautions me from her experience as a nurse to the dangers of anal-oral contact. Lastly, can you recommend the book 'The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women'? It seems tailor-made for us, and is carried by, so I can easily order it from here in Bosnia, but I'd like your opinion (or anyone's opinion) on its efficacy.

On a final note, all of the links on your more recent reply regarding anal sex (August 98) are out of date/broken, but the original '10 rules of anal sex' link from back in '97 still works. Thank you for your time, and go ahead and roast me for this long-distance thing... personally, I find the excitement of anticipation to be a great turn-on, but I'm not at all sure how we'll get along in person... but if we bomb, c'est la vie I'm sure going to try it out!

Martin (Bottoms-up in Bosnia? ^ ^)

Dear Martin,

We never roast people for long distance relationships, only for not making a move once the relationship is at a level where continued distance will only harm it. Some people will use distance to help keep them from a more involved relationship than they are ready for. This is fine for them, but their partners will only begin to feel lonely and frustrated as they become more emotionally involved. You should keep this in mind when corresponding with your experimental nurse.

Which brings us to your anal erotica. Your friend is correct that anal douching throws the natural bacterial stew of the colon out of whack resulting in some lower abdominal discomfort for some people. However, this is not an immediate effect taking at least a few hours to be noticed but we'll bet your nurse is pretty familiar with her own colon. We say skip the enema and follow this simple routine. First, you should wait until she takes a poop. Then you should take a shower together as this will help you get in the mood for sex after sitting around waiting for her to take a dump. While rubbing your wet nakedness you should take the opportunity to lather up her butt and in place of douching simply insert a soapy finger gently into her anus. No need to do this too much. A few times will suffice and don't go overboard with the soap or you could have the same problem as douching.

Which brings us to the bedroom. You shouldn't jump right on her butt the minute you hit the sack. Anal play is in addition to your sexual play not the raison d'etre. Start with the foreplay the two of you have already found to be pleasurable and during some quality cunnilingus you can aim that virile tongue of yours at her cute little ass pucker. Now there are those, your friend seems to be one of them, that screech to the heavens about the dangers of analingus. They claim E-Coli and other butt parasites to be the dangers. Let's get real here and remember that these diseases have noticeable symptoms for the carrier and of course any anal play should be avoided until a doctor's diagnosis. However there is Hepatitis A which is contagious through rimming. Of course there is a vaccination for Hep A so you two may wish to consider it.

While engaging in your anal play we're going to come down on the side of (litigation) safety and just say LATEX. You asked where to find dental dams, just look in your nearest condom wrapper. An oral dam is just a square of latex so cut a condom lengthwise and you've got an analingus barrier! Of course we'll suggest a condom for the actual anal sex and we can't say this enough LUBE....LUBE...LUBE!!!!!!!!!!!!! There can not be enough water based lubricant in anal sex. You've read the Ten Rules of Anal Sex but we'll suggest our readers check it out as well. The book you mention, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women is highly rated by all the sources we checked out and the reader comments were all very favorable. Otherwise, remember to take it easy and let her call the shots until she is comfortable with your new game of butt darts. Good Luck!

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