My Wife Fondles Me For Hours When We can't do Anything About it and My Balls Start to Ache??

Dear Couch,

This is a bit odd and I'm not sure if I'm danger of anything at all. but... My wife gives me an erection and just keeps it up by fondling it for hours on end at places we cant really do much sexually just to tease me. if this goes on for too long one (L or R) or both of my testicles swell up to nearly twice its size and really really hurt, I also get a sore gut, the only thing that takes away the pain is squeezing the inflamed sack really hard, it eventually goes away after about 2 hours but its a real annoyance. do I have more serious problems than I realize? My mate had an inflamed ball once and he went to the doctor and they said it was twisted and cut him open and fixed him. I don't think its cancer because they're perfectly normal unless this event of extended foreplay is used. what shall I do?

-Meat Saber

Dear Grizzle Toothpick,

The only serious problem you have is 'Blue Balls'. Yup, it is a real condition.The basic physiology behind blue balls is, during sexual stimulation, the male's genitals become engorged with blood, including the testicles. Prolonged stimulation, as in hours, results in the scrotum getting to the point of actually squeezing the testicles which hurts. Now many sites have incorrectly defined this as Epididymitis like Elf Sternberg's the Sexual Anatomy of Men. Epididymitis is an actual infection of the epididymis which can't be caused by your wife fondling you under the table as you dine with your parents. In the immortal words of ' Doctor. It hurts when I do this.' , DON'T DO THAT! Stop letting your wife perform this hours long teasing activity and/or stop letting yourself get so turned on by it that you swell your balls. You don't need to squeeze your balls for hours to alleviate the pain as it will subside by itself in a couple of hours anyway. What you can do is take the proverbial cold shower which will reduce the swelling. *Note* Ladies (and some guys), DO NOT let some schmuck talk you into sex with blue balls as an excuse. Just tell them not to get so excited cause they're not getting any no matter what. As to your mate, hell, given the British medical system, he's lucky he still has his balls.

Follow us on Twitter

website hosting

If you find a dead link in this past column
please help us and other readers by reporting it in the form below. If you know of an equally useful working link please include it.

Get 50% off one item at Adam and Eve
sex advice sex advice column
line.gif (41 bytes)
line.gif (41 bytes)

line.gif (41 bytes)

line.gif (41 bytes)
line.gif (41 bytes)