Is There Any Reason I Shouldn't Use a Tootsie Pop to Penetrate My Girlfriend?

Dear Couch,

I have a question for you that I don't know where else I can get an answer. My girlfriend and I have a great sex life and we like to play, especially orally. Recently, we were fooling around and I took a tootsie pop I had and rubbed it all over her clit & outside of her box before I went down on her, it drove her wild and I loved the taste of her now grape flavored pussy. My question is: is there any danger or reason why I couldn't use one to penetrate her? It might be a great way to get to her ' g' spot (which by the way DOES exist) a reply would be most appreciated.


Dear Tootsie Popper,

This is, for the most part, good safe fun. A few things to keep in mind, however. Before you start jamming that little confectionery dildo in your girlfriend, first make sure all sharp edges have been licked dull and remember that as those little air pockets are exposed then more edges come up. You know what we mean. You've experienced the same thing while trying to get to that chocolate center. Checking the candy for these sharp edges with your mouth every once in a while will help protect that 'little man in the boat'. Also remember to take it easy in general as the vaginal walls are not made of denim. Keep up this kind of imaginative sex play and you might end up in The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices.

Our main concern though is the sugar that will be placed into the vaginal environment. Make an effort not to leave the tootsie pop, or the sticky leftover juice, in there too long, as that much sugar can change the bacterial balance of the vagina. What's that you say, ' There's no bacteria in my girlfriend. She's clean!' ? Well there's naturally occurring bacteria in there which are good bacteria that keep bad bacteria from growing. That extra dose of sugar can give the bad guys extra food to take over. Lastly, don't fawking lose that chocolately chewy center up there!

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