I Met a Women in a Personal and After Much Mail Correspondence She's Going to Jail?!

Dear Couch,

I met a woman in a personal ad and we have been having a great snail mail relationship for 3 months. Our letters have gotten very hot and heavy, and she said that she was comfortable enough for us to meet face to face and begin to have a sexual relationship. One week before we met, she got in trouble with the law and now she is in prison for 18 months. I care about her and I don't want to abandon her in her time of need. She considers me her boyfriend and says that I if I love her, I will remain faithful to her. I don't know if I can wait that long, but I don't want to hurt her. Should I just not tell her about any other women I date and let her believe I am faithful, or should I tell her I need to see other women?


Dear Cell Block H Lover,

Well Duh! Of course you should let her know immediately you still care about her BUT that for the next year and a half you will consider your relationship open. You are free to date whatever women you meet in future personals and she is free to date the biggest dyke on the cell block with a strap on. Come on!! You met this women through a personals ad and right before you are to meet her face to face she goes in the joint for a year and a half stint. We have two problems with this.

First of all. What the hell are Ya thinking!?!? Sure you had some great snail correspondence and developed a relationship, but forgive us for dragging reality into it but, the woman got nailed for 18 months!!! That's not chicken feed! That's a steep sentence and reflects either a past criminal history or something bad enough to warrant that much time on a first offense. You don't stipulate what but the only one time offenses that could produce a sentence like that are either very serious and violent or drug related, specifically trafficking. As far as we're concerned all drugs should be decriminalized as our jails are bulging with nonviolent drug convictions to the point that we are leading the world in per capita convicts! Regardless, not a prime candidate for a long term relationship.

We sniff another aspect to your problem though. We find the timing of your snail girlfriend to be too convenient. It may be she has been completely dishonest with you from the start, as in being a guy named Hank who is a married mortician in New Jersey. More than likely she was already in prison and looking for a pen pal and you two hit it off. Unfortunately she had 18 months to go after you cornered her in to meeting face to face. Don't worry! There are plenty of of other Women Behind Bars out there for you, hopefully getting out sooner than a year and a half.

Whatever the case is, we encourage you to to try and meet potential partners in a less anonymous fashion. Personal ads may seem a convenient way to find partners but in the end are more work than paying special attention to that woman in the produce section. If you are cruising the personals because you are shy or insecure, you should meet these limitations head on and not try and work around them. If you want to try a self help book, we suggest the book How to Pick Up Women in the 90's: Instruction in the Art of Meeting, Dating, and Seducing Women. Just avoid the so called easy paths of personals and dating networks.

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