After Nine Months of Nightly Pleasure My Boyfriend Suddenly Says I Suck in Bed!?

Dear Couch,

I'll try to make this as brief and to the point as possible. I have been with my boyfriend for ten months. We moved in for the summer in a camper on his parents' land. We had been having sex for nine months and up until mid-June I believed everything had been good in our sex life. But once we moved in my boyfriend really didn't want to have sex anymore. (It went from at least once a night almost every night to about once every two weeks.) His interest in whacking off never wavered. At last he told me that sex with me had been ' bad' from about the second time onward and that he didn't even really want sex that much anymore, that he got more pleasure with less expenditure of energy by masturbating.

I was hurt but I said I was willing to try anything to learn how to be better, he said he didn't know that I could learn to be better but that I shouldn't worry, it didn't change his love for me and that it shouldn't bother me since it doesn't bother him. I can't help it though, I want to please him and to have a good sex life. We were able to experiment so that we learned what was pleasurable for me, I want him to get equal pleasure from me. I asked him about sex therapy but he's really against the idea. Please, if you have any advice on what I could do or where I could learn how to be better in bed I would be indebted to you more than I could repay.

Thank you,

Dear Can't Be that Bad In Bed,

That's just wacky! Not the whacking off part. It's perfectly normal for men and women to masturbate in fully satisfying sexual relationships basically for the reasons stated by your guy it's a quick, self focused, sexual release. However, if masturbation was equally or more pleasurable than sex, we would have gone extinct a long time ago. We find it very disturbing that your boyfriend claims he gains more pleasure from yanking it than from 'nookie'. Equally, his blaming you and being unwilling to try and work on the issue with you is a wienie-tot thing to do. Add to that the timing regarding the move onto his parents property and his lack of concern for the situation.... we say RUN! Run far and run fast!!!!!!! This relationship is heading in a very bad direction.

After you've removed yourself from this crappy ordeal, realize that you are not a bad lover. Anyone that's satisfied enough to come back night after night for nine months had to be curling his toes once in a while. Don't let his comments affect your future sexual self image. Obviously this problem is originating with him. Either he's feeling a bit emasculated at having to live in a trailer by his parents or the relationship is feeling too permanent for him and he's tuning out and blaming you. We can't know what's in his head but if he can't peer through his own fog when you offer to work on the problem with him then get the heck out! If you would like some self-help reading to prepare your confidence for your future relationships we suggest the following: (links open a new window for your security)

Finally, we congratulate you for being a GREAT LOVER! Why are we so sure you are?!? Because you're willing to work on the sex in your relationship. You're ready to address whatever your partner's needs are that aren't being met and that's the best lover of all. Remember people, half the reason we climb in the sack with someone is to pleasure them!

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