My Husband Wants Us to Have Anal Sex but It Hurts!!

Dear Couch,

My husband would enjoy engaging in anal sex...however, I find it incredibly painful, even with a lubricant..Any suggestions? You'd be making my man's life, here!


Dear Butt Sore,

We have a saying about anal sex and just about everything else in life, if it hurts don't do it. If you really want to try and do this we'll give you sources to the best info we have. The main reason your anal excursions have been painful is probably due to a reflexive clinching of the sphincter muscles. As the excellent 10 rules of Anal Sex explains, their are two sets of these muscles. The outer is easily controlled voluntarily. Go ahead. Clinch your anus right now. That's the easy one to control. Right behind that is a second sphincter muscle which is controlled by the same autonomic system that makes your heart beat without actually making the decision. This doesn't mean you can't control it. You just need to work on training these muscles to relax.

We're going to suggest a nice slow approach to your husband's penetration of your sacred hole. The first thing you guys need to do is take the emotional pressure off of the ultimate goal. Sit down and talk and agree you'll work towards this but it ain't gonna happen tomorrow. Next step is to involve a little digital (as in finger) penetration with the regular sexual activities you already enjoy. A great place to start is cunnilingus. While he's down there pleasuring your clit you can begin to accept some small penetration (a pinky, nails well clipped, for starters) and then work your way up. Remember though you should be careful of getting anything recently up your ass in contact with your urethra to prevent annoying UTIs. By the way, did we mention lube, Lube, LUBE!?!? When you feel you're ready for his penis, talk about it first and agree this is phase one, not ' OK honey I'm going to come in your ass!' time.

When you do begin trying to take his penis in your anus we suggest two things. Don't make it the goal of the love making session. If you go into experimental anal penetration as the entire purpose of the love making session you'll just be more tense and won't get anywhere. So to be prepared to abort the anal play we suggest you use condoms. That way you can whip that puppy off and get into the stuff you already enjoy. This will go a long way to taking the pressure off your ultimate goal. We strongly suggest you get your hands on a copy of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women and remember, if it hurts, don't do that.

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