My New College Boyfriend Wants to Have Sex But I Want to Wait Until Marriage?!

Dear Couch,

I am an eighteen year old virgin and I just recently started college. I met this really wonderful guy the first day and I fell in love. well he says the same happened to him. well last night we came close to having sex but I stopped because I believe in waiting until marriage. I also stopped because even though he says he loves me he also says that he can't see us getting married in the future. I find it weird that he's willing to make a sexual commitment before even thinking about a legal one. should I be worried????


Dear OK,

Should you be worried about what? The fact that your boyfriend doesn't have the tact to keep the remote possibility of a future open long enough to get into your panties or the fact that you mistakenly equate sex with marriage? So the eighteen year old virgin 'til honeymoon hits campus with thousands of males in their sexual peak. It's going to be an interesting four years. We've said it before in this column and we'll say it again. The act of making love, or bumping nasty, is not and has little to do with meeting and marrying someone. What is important however is being sexually happy, satisfied, comfortable, playful, experimental, and honest with the man you do marry. Is all of this going to come about all by itself beginning with the night of your honeymoon and stay that way for the remainder of your marriage? NO.

Sex is of course not the end all and be all of a relationship and/or marriage. However, it is the thing that separates your boyfriend from being your very good male friend. For example your horny, tactless, new college friend. What separates him from being your new greatest college friend? Your tongue down his throat! That's what! You're in a sexual relationship but you insist on holding out coitus like somehow it's in your best interest to marry the mystery prize behind door number two and hope it turns your crank enough to marry and crawl into bed with for the next 3,650+ nights! This is not a good idea.

We're not telling you to screw every guy that offers to hold the funnel for you at a kegger. If you find yourself in a comfortable relationship with a guy who is open to helping you explore your sexual side, consider it. The guy you're with now may not be (by his own admission) the man you're going to marry but let's at least give him credit for not telling you what you want to hear just to get some nookie. Remember to practice safe sex as that unwanted pregnancy can put a damper on those early morning classes, what with that morning sickness and all. Are we telling you your personal beliefs about sex are wrong, yea pretty much, but we're not telling you to be a slut either. We just want you to explore your sexual side so if/when you do marry, you'll have many years of enjoyable sexuality with your partner. If you do decide to take your sexuality to a higher level you may want to read Sex on Campus : The Naked Truth About the Real Sex Lives of College Students to help you on your way.

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