I'm a Forty Nine Year Old Lesbian With a Low Sex Drive! Help?!?

Dear Couch,

I am a 49 year old lesbian and have a very low sex drive. Is there any help I can get to overcome this. It has already ruined one relationship and I don't want it to happen again.


Dear Cold One,

Well we have a solution but we're not sure you're gonna like it. The fact is, sex drive for both men and women has a simple chemical spark testosterone. Both men and women have testosterone as part of their hormonal chemical soup (remember, we are, if nothing else, walking bags of chemicals). Given your age, no offense, you most certainly have some changes going on with your hormones so you should first talk to your doctor about this issue. Don't be embarrassed. That's what they're there for. They may just suggest a little shot of testosterone now and then.

If not then you have to try our solution, the one we think you may not like. Get behind a professional sports team. That's right. become a silly assed professional sports fan. We're not suggesting you buy season tickets and paint your naked breasts in the team's colors, just some devoted TV watching of 'your' team should suffice. Why are we babbling on about TV sports? Recent research has shown that devoted sports fans (male, no females were studied) show increases in testosterone when their team wins. So try to pick a potential winner and devote some time to watching their gladiator like victories. Soon you may find yourself throwing down your girlfriend among the Cheetos as the time runs out on your opponents, enjoying a natural rush of sexual testosterone. Just remember not to make your lover a 'sports widow'.

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