I'm 18 and I Can't Find My Girlfriend's Hole?!?

Dear Couch,

I am 18 and I think you will find this either funny or stupid but here it is. I have a girlfriend, and we have been going out for 1 and a half soon, and we want to have sex, but there is one problem! I don't know where a pussy is! This is not a joke, I'm asking for your help. Could you tell me where it is or a picture of where it is and how to insert your penis into it?

Thank you a lot,

Dear Stupidly Funny,

Thank you for your letter. Your description of your problem leads us to hope for our species. For cripes sake! Even fawking Stephen Hawkins could slip it in given the opportunity! And in our personal opinion women should be lined up to carry his spooge! You see Jordan, our species has proliferated and prospered like cockroaches with cell phones because we are the smartest! That includes knowing where the damn hole is to cause procreation. Natural selection has in some cases, not passed on this instinctual knowledge to prevent the creation of more gimps like yourself, thus allowing the species to prosper from more intelligent offspring.

Now you could take this as a serious assertion of your value to our great species or you could relax, do a little research (including our Archives page), and pursue coupling with a mate of your choice. Of course we suggest you create a stable environment before you allow your carnal pleasures to create another glorious hoomon (pronounced with a Ferengi accent) to populate this huge universe! The point of the pleasure is the purpose of the act. Procreation is a 'choice', given our wonderful species' technology, so wrap that rascal or whatever birth control means you choose!

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