My Wife Has Just Realized Men Don't Wipe After Urination and Now She's Afraid to Perform Oral Sex?!

Dear Couch,

My wife was surprised to find out that men do not ' wipe' after each urination as apparently most women do. Since this revelation, she is very hesitant to give me oral sex unless I have just climbed out of the shower. Is her fear of the unclean justified, or is she blowing it out of proportion? I assume that I'm not unusual in not wiping, as you never see toilet paper next to a urinal in a public bathroom. Also, I'm confident that she enjoys giving head so I don't think this is an excuse to get out of an activity she doesn't like.


Dear Dirty Dick,

Wow! What color is the sky in your wife's world!? Men don't wipe because they don't have to! We have at least a couple of inches clearance, with a tapered end none the less, for the supposedly 'dirty' urine to clear the body. This is why men don't have to wipe ladies. Why do you think there's that commonly known peeing in the woods difference between men and women!??!  Also, fact is, urine is sterile anyway unless you have a urinary tract infection.

However ladies! Don't feel left out here. There is a product that will allow you to whiz standing up! Did we say standing up? Yes! You'll luv this little puppy as much as we did when we first discovered it. It's called the Whiz Freedom Portable Reusable Urine Funnel and it can make the urinal a woman's best friend (so they say).*Note* We have never tried therefore are not endorsing this product.

But let's get back to your 'dirty wee-wee'. We can tell your wife that urine is sterile. We can tell your wife that pee doesn't spill all over your tool while taking a whiz. We can even tell your wife that the Easter Bunny doesn't take it up the ass from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer!! But obviously she has started this hang up for some reason. The best thing you can do to get her past it is to invite her to examine your next whiz. Hold up a good pee and then say, ' Honey. I want you to see something here.' Take her in the bathroom and show her that your penis does not become fouled with urine when you pee. If she's not satisfied with that, then the obvious, simple solution is to offer to wipe your head after urinating. If she still balks at giving you head after this, face it! She's rethinking her desire to perform oral sex on you.

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