My Wife Doesn't give Me Head! But My Gay Friend Will! What Are the Risks?!?!

Dear Couch,

I am a married man but have a good friend that is gay. We have always talked about sex as most men do but I have told him that my wife doesn't give head much very more. He has blown me out the waters by saying he would take care of the problem and do it to me with no strings attached. I have to admit he has my curiosity up. What are the chances that I could catch something if I let him do this to me? What if he wants me to do it to him? Can you catch anything from oral sex?

Curious Bob

Dear Wanna Bob,

Cripes! Are you so damn desperate for a blow job you'll let your good male friend do you!?! We think you're more turned on by the naughty aspect of sex with a man than actually missing oral sex from your wife. The most often used means by married men to fill that fellatio void after marriage is a prostitute. Their bread and butter is the twenty buck hummer (condom of course) in some married guy's car. In and out in ten minutes, that's $120/hour.

However, you don't even mention seeking a pro or even talking to your wife about your fellatio need. Instead you promote a sexual affair with your gay friend as the solution and are even considering reciprocating the act. We are totally opposed to this, not because you want to have sex with a man, but because you are attempting to cheat on your wife! We're not prudes here, in fact if you said the same thing to your wife that you said to us and she approved, we'd say go for it. But here at there's just no excuse, in a monogamous relationship, for cheating except cowardice. So deal with your wife on this issue before you indulge your homoerotic fantasy.

If you do choose to pursue this dysfunctional course, we'll give you the oral STD info you're looking for. First the big one, HIV. The 'experts' always stick to the line, ' There is no safer sex than abstinence (none) and after that the use of a latex condoms.' but they'll whisper under their breathe that oral sex is less likely to transmit HIV compared to anal or vaginal sex. Factors that affect this are if your ' catcher' has a raw throat or bleeding gums and/or cuts the ' pitcher's' (you) cock with their teeth in the process of delivering your oh so needed hummer. Other STDs you could bring home to your wife include Herpes, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis. Also, Hepatitis B and Genital Warts are possibly contracted.

So you see it would be a lot more healthier, both to your relationship and your penis, to forget about cheating on your wife and talk to her about your needs. If you do choose the coward's route and seek oral sex elsewhere, we strongly recommend a condom. Note that we're not using the word ' coward' to insult you. We learned early in our relationship lives that being honest about needs and feelings, was far more beneficial than bottling them up. It may seem stressful but believe us, it's a relief to get these things out in the open fast, before they become irrational issues.

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