My Verbally Abusive Husband Is Hanging Around Young Girls !?

Dear Couch,

I have enjoyed your column for a long time now and would enjoy your insight on this humiliating situation. First, my husband and I divorced after eight yr. of marriage, the reason for this divorce was that he tried to sleep with a girl 13 yr. old -at the time his age was 32yr., this girl was my daughters (from a previous marriage) friend who had come to spend the night. upon discovering this, I divorced him-- he had had 3 previous affairs, the girls over 18 though. after a year, he finally begged his way back and with the promise of getting into therapy I thought this could be worked out. however, with the suspicion of him doing this prompts me to watch him very closely-- and I have begun to notice his behavior amongst teenagers. he seems enjoy their company, conversation and hangs around 18 and 19 yr. old guys-- I suspect he does this in an effort of gaining access to the girls. also, I recently discovered that he had slept with a lot of girls much younger than himself before I met him.  this man comes from an incestuous family, which I did not no of-- until just recently.(his father had molested his daughters and also his uncle done the same), I understand that this behavior unacceptable, but continuously wonder what to do. with every day I wonder what will happen, I realize taking him back was a mistake, but now what?

This man is very abusive verbally, and had threatened to kill me if I separate from him. I have ask him to go to therapy, church counseling, whatever it takes-- it goes without notice.  at every given chance this man is engaging in something-- and just recently  found that he and his son enjoy porn on the internet, my stepson is 12 yr.old!!!!!! let me also tell you that when I confront this man , he goes into wild stages of denial --to the point of hitting me. then after the episode has calmed down he cries and says he loves me!  now if this isn't enough, the man represents himself as the model husband, stepfather, and do-gooder. his incestuous family, has covered up all the bad things over the years and continuously shoves the problems away-- even, when the law enforcement has been notified.  I am not  completely stupid, however, I have loved this man unconditionally and abide by a Christian faith, but when is enough, enough?  I have recently begun to ignore all of the things that I see, the gut feelings that I get, and the incidence of deviant behavior, in an effort of saving my disgraceful marriage. thanks for any insight that you can give to me, God knows I am desperate,  and grateful.


Dear In a Mess,

Let's talk about the most important thing here, your daughter. You know the guy is a pedophile yet you let him live in the same house as your daughter? GET REAL and GET OUT! You left him once before, so what is the difference now?  By staying in the house you are implicitly supporting his behavior as well as endangering your daughter.  Fear of physical abuse is an equally important issue.  There should be a local crisis line in your area that can provide you with the names and numbers of shelters that specialize in helping victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.  Here's a link to National and State Domestic Violence resources. And once free of his brainwashing you can get a restraining order in order to prevent him from attempting further emotional or physical damage.  Resources are available to help you, but you've got to be the one to take the first step.  Enough is definitely enough.  Good luck.

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