I Have a Fantasy of Being Spanked By my Partner! The Problem is I Don't Know How to Ask Him to Do This!?

Dear Couch,

Hi I'm 31 yrs. old & I have a fantasy of being spanked by my partner. I think it would be exciting and fun for the both of us. The problem is I don't know how to ask my partner to do this. How can I ask? What do I say? I dream about it all the time. Please help me? I want to be spanked!


Dear Quit Whining or We'll Spank You Ourselves,

This is a common problem for many relationships. You have a fantasy in which your partner exerts some type of control over you whether it be tying you up, sticking a dildo up your ass, or spanking your innocent ass until it glows red. BUT! Explaining and asking your partner to do these things to you diminishes the fantasy because it feels rehearsed or planned. What you're desiring is common in the BD/SM community however they have the advantage of knowing that these circumstances will come up in sexual play and already have predefined safewords. A safeword is something you can say if a sexual scene is going in a direction you're not comfortable with. For example if, that strap on dildo is too large or that spanking is getting too rough, you say ' popcorn' . The fact that it is an odd word to be uttered in a sexual scenario lets your partner know to head in another direction without making a big deal of it and ruining the built up sexual energy you've already created.

You don't sound like an experienced S& M player so getting your partner to spank you will take a little role playing on your part. We suggest next time you're all butt naked in the middle of foreplay, start telling your partner you've been bad and that you need a spanking. Sounds silly we know but if you squirm your little ass over his knees telling him you're ' a bad girl that deserves a spanking' he'll most certainly sting your taught butt with his open hand! And he'll get really hot hearing your, ' OOOH! OUCH! Spank Me! I'm a Bad Little Girl!' But you're going to have to initiate and control the situation.

Just to let you know, you're not alone in this spanking desire. There are numerous sites devoted to spanking and here's one with erotic spanking fiction and an advice column in case our answer isn't enough. There are web rings devoted to this practice which you might want to check out so here's one with numerous spanking links, the Erotic Spanking Web Ring. Just be sane, be safe, and have fun!

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