Since Indulging My Husband's Bondage Fantasies My Orgasms Have Declined !?!

Dear Couch,

My husband of 12 years has recently introduced me to a lifetime fantasy of his:  bondage.  This is something I am finding very erotic, and am agreeing to it whole heartedly. The problem is that I have quit having regular orgasms, something I have never had a problem with before.  I'm thinking this may be due to 2 reasons.  Number one is the bondage fantasy was brought to my attention after I caught my husband having a long term internet affair centering around this, and that may still be bothering me. The other reason could be that we have sex just about every day now, rather than our usual twice a week.  Any ideas or suggestions that you could give me would be greatly appreciated.  My husband is aware of this situation and is willing to do anything to help me through this.


Dear Novice Slave,

Congratulations on 1)finding out about your husband's fantasies after 12 years of marriage, and 2)having the courage to try something new for the sake of said marriage.  And your thoughts concerning your difficulty reaching orgasm are probably correct. It's definitely more difficult for women to shoot the big one when you're feeling emotionally unsettled in addition to trying something new.  This online S& M affair of your husband's may still be bothering you. Talk about it some more with him, and maybe seek out a therapist to help you two get through it. Even an online affair can have long lasting implications to a relationship.

We all know bondage is fun but you have to be absolutely comfortable with what's going on, and absolutely confident that you can stop things instantly if you feel out of control.  Make sure the two of you have a safeword that you can use to call a quick time out.  You may feel more comfortable watching other people first, letting yourself enjoy movies or live bondage scenes.  Or maybe you'd rather be the master than the slave.  Take it slow, take it safe, and have a great time. We can recommend the book, Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, as a great introduction to the bondage culture.

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