We Are Just Too Busy & Exhausted To Have Sex! Help!!

Dear Couch,

My husband and I are so busy with working at our jobs that we don't have any energy left at the end of the day for sex anymore. We use to find time, but now we are so exhausted, it's futile. I also have a bad knee, and bad back, and he snores so bad, I have had to sleep in the daughters room. He doesn't seem to care. He now goes to bed without asking me to come up to bed anymore. I feel as though our marriage is fossiling. We can't quit our jobs as we farm, and it takes two off-farm jobs to stay on the farm, plus I am worried about the stress we are both under, which has had a toll on our sex drives. I feel as though all our dreams of happiness together have come to a stop. Is my life at 44 years old sold to industry??


Dear Yes. We All Know,

This is actually the most common problem in today's modern marriage/relationships. Although most couples tend to think the spark is lost over time by them or their partner, it's actually the loss of our most precious commodity time. We live in a culture where both partners need to work to obtain the money they need. Add to this child responsibilities and it's hard to find time to devote to each other's sexual needs much less get enough sleep.

As boring as it may sound, you really have to schedule sex these days. Now before everyone starts whining about spontaneity, let's all recall our care free single days. How many nights of hot, sexual, one night stands were truly unplanned!? Fact is, when we're single we go out anticipating a romantic encounter. We all know damn well that if the option presents itself we've already arranged the time in our schedule. Once married or in a long term relationship we seem to ignore this sex time need, assuming it will just happen. Well you gotta make time! Take a weekend for yourselves. Do a bed and breakfast in the middle of nowhere with no real intentions of trying to see any tourist crap, and RELAX!!! The sex will come, and hotly, after eight hours of realizing you don't not have any other responsibilities.

Of course the first step in your journey to regaining your sex life is talk about it. If you just sit back hoping he'll suddenly carry you up to the bedroom wearing a Fabio wig, miraculously cured of snoring, you'll have a long wait. If you talk to your hubby about your feelings, remembering to protect that always vulnerable male sexual ego, we're pretty sure you two can work out a little time alone in the barn. For a highly recommended book on this topic try, Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships.

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