I Frequently Experience Blue Balls With the Ladies! What Can I Do?!?

Dear Couch,

I have read a few of your postings regarding blue balls, and your advice seems to be restricted to ' don't get worked up.' Right. Easy for you to say. I enjoy cuddling with a women very much, but I have always have a problem relaxing, and nearly always get blue balls. The women rarely understand when I stop cuddling and start wincing in pain. I've tried counting to 1000 and singing songs in my head to try and keep my mind off sex, and to just enjoy being with them. It never works. I don't want to use it as an excuse for sex, but instead it becomes an excuse for me ending the date early and me barely able to walk. I don't want to rush things with my new girlfriend, but man, there has to be a way to relax and give your manhood a rest without pushing her away. I'm 24. This has been going on for years.


Dear Ouch,

Well apparently you didn't click on that little 'Blue Balls' link in our January 2000 column or our June 1999 column! Otherwise you would have come across this helpful link about blue balls which is far more accurate than this erroneous posting by Elf Sternberg about the same. Remember that the state of sexual excitement results in increased blood flow to the genitalia in both men and women. This is actually what the Viagra pill does. It creates the same blood chemistry as sexual arousal allowing blood to fill the penis and testicles. The state of blue balls comes about when those two little guys have too much blood sharing their surrounding sack. This results in them being squeezed. You can actually experience this yourself while reading this column by grasping your balls very, very, firmly for the next twenty minutes or so.

But you're main concern seems to be about avoiding this pain. Well for starters, you should quit squeezing your nuts now. As we've described, this is the result of prolonged sexual excitement without ejaculation. So you only have two choices here. Find a way to relax and stop thinking about sex and avoid lengthy make-out sessions which are not going to result in you comeing. In the event you are unable to accomplish either of these, excuse yourself from your lady, go to the restroom, and jerk-off. Otherwise just accept the fact that you are physiologically inclined to engorge your nuts more than other guys.

Once you have blue balls, you can relive it from masturbation. The pain will become more acute with ejaculation but will subside more quickly than doing nothing at all. Besides masturbation you can try some strong coffee. Yes, coffee. Caffeine is a vasal constrictor which will help your swollen nuts return to normal. It may also help you avoid the condition in the first place. If you are drinking alcohol during your 'cuddling' then you're helping yourself get blue balls as booze is a vasal dialtor, allowing more blood into your scrotum. As we briefly mentioned in our past columns, you can also gain relief from the proverbial cold shower. A cold water nut soak will cause the blood vessels around your package to constrict allowing blood to flow out, not in, from around your nuts. Again, the initial feeling will be a more acute ache because the scrotum will try to rise closer to the body (even into it) to keep your sperm at an optimal warm temp. Basically what you're complaining about here is being a healthy male. So quit your damn whining or get a sex change!!

** Just a little reader note guys will try and use blue balls as an excuse to entice you to have sex. They'll act like they will be in excruciating pain, close to death, if they don't ejaculate. Well that's all part of being a horny guy so don't give in to this manipulation.

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