I'm a One Shot Wonder at Orgies! What Can I Do To Keep From Missing Out??!?

Dear Couch,

I'm a sexually adventurous male and have been to a couple of orgies. The problem is after I come once, I'm set and ready to go home. Many of my other male friends can go the whole night and cum 4, 5 times. I'm not even interested in the 2nd time. I feel I'm missing out on a lot of great sex. What do you advise to overcome this problem? I'm now 35 but actually I felt the same way even in my teens.


Dear Selfish,

Cripes Man! You're cruising the swinger's scene and leaving after a quick nut!?! We're surprised none of your fellow 'party' guests haven't mentioned this unacceptable behavior to you themselves. They could give you far better input into this issue than we could so if our answer doesn't help you, don't be shy. Next time you're at a planned orgy, find some guy you can talk to and explain your situation to him. You can bet he's felt the same way you do at some point and can teach you how to get more out of the situation. Here's a site which describes Etiquette in Swinging and you should also examine the chapter, Group Sex, in the book The Ethical Slut for more tips.

The way you describe it, you're exactly the last thing people want to see at their little get-togethers. Orgies, or swinger parties, are supposed to be a feast of sensual flesh. You seem to be using your 'in' as a means to a quick nut, then you're done, bored, and gone. This is not the purpose of an orgy but rather the purpose of pornos. The most important wisdom one can take from an orgy experience are: 1) The orgasm is NOT the purpose of sensuality in this type of scene! The purpose is to prolong and examine the experience of being sexual. 2) It is an excellent situation to practice the long lost art of focusing on your partner's needs. and 3) If you go as a couple, it is a great way to develop confidence in your relationship, meaning  if you can freely express your sexuality with others and then still maintain a jealous free comfortable relationship, then things are very good.

Let's take a moment here to not mislead our readers. Orgy or Swinger parties do not generally invite single males probably for the same reason as your behavior. Generally only couples or single women are asked to attend. We suggest you approach your next adventure with a different attitude. First get rid of the need to get-a-nut by having a lengthy porno jerk off right before going to the party. Then go to the sexual/social event with socializing in mind. Look at any fleshy contact situation the same as you would a cocktail conversation. This is an opportunity for you to practice being a great lover and if you approach it as that you will become one. If you continue to approach it as a quick fuck, not only will you be wasting this opportunity but you'll probably not be invited back.

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