Why Do Most Men Wake Up With Morning Wood !??

Dear Couch,

Why do most men awake in the morning with a hard-on?
sex ed teacher

Dear Teach,

Well, the reason is that most men have several erections during a normal nights sleep, for as long as two hours at a time. No offense teach, but if you're a sex-ed instructor and weren't aware of this then we'll be looking for your knocked up students on the next Springer show!

Often referred to as ' morning wood' , the more formal term is nocturnal tumescence and seems to correspond with REM periods of sleep. The question of why is often claimed to be urine retention. Most guys know the frustration of waking up with a stiffy and having to pee like crazy, and although not impossible to urinate with a hard on, there's nothing more amusing than watching a guy trying to lean as far forward as possible to get that thing aimed somewhere near the bowl. Given a few experiences like that and it's easy to see why most guys would come to this erroneous conclusion. However, a more likely cause, or need, for nighttime stiffys seems to be oxygen. According to a well decorated sex research psychologist, Al Cooper, ' The penis lives in a low oxygen state. Nature takes care of this by making sure the penis gets enough oxygenated blood through erections.' This is not a 'written in stone' theory since the argument could be made that there are more erections at night because oxygen assists with the erectile chemical processes and oxygen levels are higher during sleep. So there's a bit of the 'chicken or the egg problem' here.

This does lead us to the topic of horniness. We should remind ourselves here that waking up with a hard-on does not equate to waking up in a love making mood. So women should not feel unwanted when their man limps to the bathroom, spends five minutes or so waiting for that thing to come down enough to pee, then proceeds to check his email. At the same time, we should remind the fellas that you're not going to wake up every morning with an erection. If you're worried that you may not be having nocturnal tumescence, then buy some stamps. Stamps!?!? Yup! It's the old stamp test. Just take enough stamps, like from a roll, to secure snugly around the shaft of your flaccid wee-wee before you go to bed. Wear some shorts or undies to protect the postage, and in the morning, see if the paper is torn at the perforation. If you wake up still ready for mailing, do it a few more nights. If you're still not busting paper, head to the urologist.

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