My Bipolar Girlfriend Is On So Many Drugs, She Doesn't Want to Have Sex!?!!

Dear Couch,

My girlfriend and I have been together for a total of four years, the problem is that she doesn't have a very big sex drive and I have an enormous sex drive. She may want to do it once every three months, sex is not a big thing for her now, and it may be because she has been on a lot of medications: Paxil, Neurontin, Lorazepam, and Depakote...being treated for Bi-Polar Mania, but to satisfy myself I masturbate EVERY DAY, at least twice a day, sometimes even three times. And this bothers her sometimes, she thinks that it will affect the feeling I have when we do have sex, is this right? That I won't be able to experience the full stimulation of her vagina, because I'm used to my hand. I've tried cutting down, but I'm obsessed with the pleasure and I know that chances are very good that this is the only way that I will be able to feel this type of stimulation. She said that most males only masturbate once a week, is this true? My main question is, is there something I could take to lessen my sex drive?


Dear Run Now & Run Fast!,

OK. We know we're going to catch a lot of heat for this one, but here goes. First, we'll address your question about masturbation. That shouldn't piss anyone off... yet. No. Jerking off daily will NORMALLY not make sex less enjoyable for you. However, the manner in which you masturbate, can make a difference. For example, if you beat off while watching Judge Judy all the time, you may find sex with your girlfriend less pleasurable without that tart, frail yet stern, black robed beauty on the tube. What happens more often though, is men tend to masturbate dryly and roughly. This can lead to problems during normal intercourse as the vagina is a more caring place, all moist and tender. Not to mention the fact that most guys try and get their nut as quickly as possible when masturbating which is not a good habit to get into for the purpose of pleasing your lady.

Sounds like you shouldn't masturbate huh? Wrong!! Of course you should. We just want you to do so in a way that doesn't make you a lesser lover and may even make you a better one. The best way to do this guys, is to first and foremost, give yourself time to jerk off. If you habitually try to ejaculate as quickly as possible when pleasuring yourself, how do you think your body will respond the next time you make Sweet, Chef, love to your lady? You'll come faster than a dog to the electric can-opener! Along with giving yourself time to go slowly, we strongly suggest using a lubricant, even simple hand lotion, to most replicate being with your woman. Keep to these practices & philosophy and you'll be fine.

Now to this medication/bi-polar mania issue. Any one of the medications you mentioned is capable of knocking a libido in the dirt. Paxil, one of the popular SSRIs has the unwanted side effect of making you more happy but far less horny (that's a conundrum). Neurontin, which is gaining far too much popularity these days for treating just about everything, is reported to either increase or decrease libido in it's users (well, that's going out on a limb). Lorazepam, an addictive anti-anxiety/sedative, has decreased libido as a side affect as well. Depakote, is used to treat Bipolar Affective Disorder (B.A.D.) better known as manic/depression, as well as an anti-seizure medication, and has a bad reputation for sex lives as well.

With the chemistry lesson done, we can easily see that anyone on this cocktail of meds would more than likely have a bit of an issue with thinking about sex. However, if you're girlfriend is, and we emphasize the word 'is', actually bipolar, we suggest you strongly consider how far you want this relationship to go. Let's be honest here. Involving yourself with someone that truly suffers from this disorder will require a GREAT deal of patience, understanding, sacrifice, and humiliating circumstances. Look guy, we didn't just watch the last two episodes of ER, we have both been involved in the treatment of folks with B.A.D at their best and at their worse. This is a serious disorder! Your lack of mentioning any serious symptomatic episodes in your past four years together leads us to think your girlfriend may be suffering from a personality disorder. No, that's not an insult. People who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder (B.P.D.) tend to end up on a plethora of medications which is unfortunate as there is no chemical treatment for this diagnosis. We suggest you read up on both B.A.D. and B.P.D. (ahhh the psychiatric alphabet at it's best!) and honestly ask yourself if you're committed enough to stay in this relationship, low sex drive and all.

Follow us on Twitter

website hosting

If you find a dead link in this past column
please help us and other readers by reporting it in the form below. If you know of an equally useful working link please include it.

Get 50% off one item at Adam and Eve
sex advice sex advice column
line.gif (41 bytes)
line.gif (41 bytes)

line.gif (41 bytes)

line.gif (41 bytes)
line.gif (41 bytes)