What Is a Female Condom ?!?!

Dear Couch,

How does a female condom work?


Dear Glad Bagger,

The best way we can describe the female condom to you is this: take your standard plastic grocery sack, place it over a broom handle or the like, stick this up your vagina and slowly remove the broom stick so the bag stays. There you go! You're ready for a romantic evening!

Yes, we're exaggerating, but only a bit. The female condom is essentially an oversized polyurethane male condom with a closed flexible ring at one end and an open ring at the other. To use it, you squeeze and insert the closed end up your vagina as far as possible. The corporate site states, ' It's in the right place when you can't feel it.' which can also be said about your boyfriend's penis using this item. It has the added feature of partially covering the outer vaginal area since the end attractively hangs out of your twat. The baggie comes lubricated and with an extra pack of lubricant which you must use on your partner's willy as the motion of sex is likely to pull the barrier out of place.

Advantages are:
  • A woman can take responsibility for its use--especially good for those whose partners resist using male condoms.
  • It can be inserted before a sexual encounter begins. (Try to enjoy your date with that bag hanging outta Ya!)
  • It rests outside the vagina and may help protect the external genitalia from sexually transmitted conditions.
  • It is not made of latex, so can be used by those with a latex sensitivity and by those who wish to use oil-based lubricants.

Disadvantages are:
  • The outer ring may be irritating as it rubs against the labia, urethra and/or clitoris.
  • It may require more lubrication for successful use. If the condom isn't lubricated sufficiently it can cling to the penis, twisting or even turning inside out.
  • It's made of a plastic material that may be noisy during intercourse. (Like a rabid squirrel in a trash bag!)
  • The outer ring may need to be held in place to keep the condom from slipping into the vagina.

The failure rate of the female condom, when used perfectly, is no better than the regular condom and by some studies worse. So why has such a ridiculous form of birth control come to the public market? It has it's origins in the 80's AIDS reaction when the male condom was, and still is, the best protection short of no sex. Just like the genesis of the 'dental dam', the female condom was a response to political correctness whining, ' The men have a condom! Why can't we?!?!' . Well they got their wish, even if it means noisy, baggie in the crotch, foolishness! And what's worse, the Gay male community has picked up the same flag, demanding the FDA approve an anal sex condom! People, having a product specifically say it's for your groups sexual use does not validate you or your lifestyle. It simply means you're a potentially profitable group to market towards.

The fact is, a reliable, time tested, barrier method exists against unwanted pregnancy and disease the friggin condom! Using one for sex does not make you less of a feminist, in fact, if you can't make your partner roll one on then you're a weak woman to begin with. If you insist on trying the female condom be our guest but we're sure you'll agree it will never beat the plain old Trojan.

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