My Fifteen Year Old Son Says He Deserves Fellatio From Me For Good Grades!!??!

Dear Couch,

Dear Couch,

A few days ago, my darling fifteen-year-old son brought me his report card with straight A's and asked me what I thought about what the other boy's moms were doing. When I asked him to explain, he told me that many of the mothers of the other high-achieving students had promised them oral sex whenever they got straight A's. He gave me names, and more details that I don't want to repeat. My first reaction was that he had to be fibbing. I called my best friend and asked her if she heard about anything weird with report cards. Pretty steamed, she reported most of the same things that my son did, having talked to most of the the women herself. I couldn't be more angry myself, both for what they are doing to their own children and for confusing my own son. I really don't want to get the women in trouble, but I am afraid that I may be obligated to intervene. What do you think?


Dear D,

We think you have a weird family and that fifteen year old boys don't 'fib', they lie. There are three possibilities here:
  • Your son is lying. Either to jerk your chain or he would like you to give him oral. Either way kind of strange.
  • Your son (and friend) is pretty naive and gullible and is having his chain jerked by his friends. Given your use of the words 'darling' and 'fibbing' we're gonna put our money on this one.
  • Or, all the other mothers are actually rewarding their teenage sons with fellatio. That would make a great bumper sticker: ' My Son Is an Incestuously Orally Gratified Honor Student at Suburbia High School'

Depending on what section of the Country you live in, we're not sure you can get these supposed Oral rewarders in trouble. As you state it, this is a 'reward' for good grades. All little 'Steven' has to do is get a B in Gym Class to avoid it. And as we all know, in most areas of the Southern United States, this is the standard family reward for a 3.0 average.

Of course there has been quite a rash of accusations of older women with minors the past few weeks. Two teachers in the Northwest have been accused of fooling around with minors, one for sexual contact but didn't seal the deal and another for intercourse with one 14 year old boy and fondling another. And let's not forget the famous comedian Paula Poundstone. Honorable mention to the poster child of female child molesters Mary Kay Letourneau, (oh doesn't she just look like a little angel).

So maybe you're not so gullible D. Perhaps there's an entire generation of older women developing a taste for young boy-flesh. HOWEVER! You should be VERY CAREFUL about making accusations of this type from the word of a child. You could find yourself ruining some lives for no reason. Remember the Wenatchee ritual abuse sex-ring trial? An entire town was devastated over a modern day (book link) Witch Hunt. Whatever happens let us know. We're sure our readers will want us to follow up on the ' Straight A's Fellatio-Ring' .

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