Can You Tell if a Man Just Had Sex By Feeling His Balls ?!!

Dear Couch,

Can you tell if a man has recently had sex, like that same day or night before? For instance it always seems to me when its been several days since my husband and I have had sex his balls feel full and they are tight etc etc. But when they feel all limp like or mooshy it seems like we just recently had sex or He has been MIA with no explanation. But are there any ways to really tell?


Dear Turn & Cough,

Determining whether a man has recently had sex by the tightness of his nads is as accurate as determining a man's erection size by the size of his flaccid penis. In other words, it ain't!

The scrotum (sack) and it's contents (testicles, ect) are a thermostatically controlled heat maintenance system designed to keep sperm as close to optimal temperature, about 93 degrees, as possible. The scrotum does this by shrinking when cold, thus bringing the whole works closer to the body's warmth, and loosening when hot, moving those precious (or evil depending on the goal of your coupling) sperm to a cooler area. This is why when you ask your man, 'What are you thinking about?', he responds with that 'deer caught in the headlights of life' stare. He's concentrating on maintaining that optimal temperature. Just kidding. The whole process is automatic. He's probably just debating that next video game system he's going to buy or what could be on that 163'rd channel he was just flipping to when you stopped the 'remote clicking madness'.

So no. Unless he smells like skank and is ripe with crabs (and you don't and aren't) then there is no sure way to tell if your man has been sleeping around. But, here's a novel idea ask him. Of course there's also the possibility you're sensing he recently whacked off. Does this mean he doesn't desire you? No. All men married, dating, single, in prison with a boyfriend named Butch, .... ALL MEN MASTURBATE. It has very little to do with their sexual relationship with you or anything you're not doing.

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