My Libido Is Through the Roof and My Husband Thinks I'm Crazy

Dear Couch,

Please tell me between what ages does a woman reach her sexual peak and just how long will it last? My marriage is in trouble because of it combined with the way I?m being treated by my husband.

I am in the fifth year of a very overactive libido, I am 44. My husband cannot keep up with me and he refuses to even try. He started sleeping on the couch most nights 3 years ago. There is nothing wrong with his equipment, except for his lack of desire. To say this condition has strained our relationship and marriage is putting it mildly. I feel like he?s punishing me by withholding sex until it is HIS idea. I am overwhelmed with the constant desire for couple sex, and the lack thereof. I am nowhere near satisfied with the once-a-month (or less) routine he has fallen into?and that is only because I?ve begged for days or weeks.

We have had several discussions concerning my sexual frustration. I have tried everything I know to get him to understand I am going through my sexual peak and want him to ride this out with me. I suggested marriage counseling to him?he thinks I?m crazy and sick. He told me to see a doctor to ?control my urges,? this is not something I will entertain because I don?t think I?m sickly. This has all resulted in a terrific blow to my self-esteem, I feel un-desirable and un-loved and un-appreciated. Never once have I ever refused to satisfy his sexual needs. He too had an insatiable appetite for sex during our first 12 years of marriage. We have been together for 26 years.

To satisfy myself, I have purchased some pleasure toys in the past two years ? 3 to be exact. My husband insists I?m sexually perverted. I have told him I NEED sex and feel he?s forced me to take matters into my own hands. The toys and masturbation do not satisfy me. I?ve reached the point where I fantasize about being with other men and have considered engaging in casual sex with strangers to fulfill my desperate sexual needs?I have never gone outside our marriage and I feel distressed thinking like this.

I am also resentful that my husband doesn?t appreciate my sexual favors. He seemed insulted when I told him I know of no man except him who wouldn?t appreciate a wife/sex-slave who loves giving oral and enjoys every position you can imagine. Indeed, I believe most men would enjoy a sex-crazed partner.


Dear Sex-Starved,

'Sexual Peak' is a phrase which is thrown around quite a bit but it's meaning is elusive. For the purposes of this column we're going to define 'sexual peak' as a combination of one's comfort with their sexual self and their physical ability to become aroused easily and perform sexually. Comfort with one's sexuality pretty much increases with age and experiences. Physical sexual ability for the most part decreases with age for both men and women. Most people agree with this regarding men but seem to think it's not as true for the ladies. Well tough! It's true! The body ages everyday and the simple fact is, the peak hormone years for both men and women are the late teens/early twenties.

So you're asking yourself why do people always think of a woman's sexual peak as being later in life? One reason Women take longer to get in touch with their sexuality is due to mixed societal messages encouraging boys for being players and categorizing women with healthy sexual appetites as sluts. Also women in their thirties plus years are more likely to have had long term partners which allows them to feel more comfortable when exloring their own sexuality.

What you're referring to as your sexual peak is your increased ease of orgasm coupled with your physical abillity to do so. Well never fear cause menopause is on it's way to help you out of your horrible dilemma. Average onset being 51, you'll soon be having hot flashes to beat the band and your husband's sexual cold feet will be able to relax (though after dealing with a woman in menopase, he may wish he enjoyed your sexually hyper years).

This probably won't come soon enough though so let's turn our attention to what can be done now. Your husband's lack of desire for sex is fairly normal. Remember males are annoyingly hardwired for multiple partners and after years of marriage to the same woman they lose a lot of their spunkiness. Couple this with your current sexual libido and it's a very frustrating situation. We have found a book which from reader reviews is right up your alley The Sex-Starved Marriage: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido. The main reason we are recommending this book is due to the reviews which not only describe your current feelings in this situation, but also describe how the women's own ways of dealing with it were less than helpful. All of the reviews we read stated the book's advice was extremely helpful in getting the couple throught this frustrating period.

So since your hubby won't try counseling we suggest giving this book a try. Read it your self first and if you think it will help, ask your hubby to read it, or even read it to him a little at a time. We wish you luck on this and please keep us up to date on the situation.

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