Why Can't I Have a Vaginal Orgasm?!! I Have No Problem With Clitoral Orgasms! Help!

Dear Couch,

I consider myself healthy sexually. It just pisses me off that I have never had an orgasm from intercourse. I have no problem with orgasms from clitoral stimulation. I just feel like I'm missing out. So tell me again how only about 25 of all women have those orgasms, but also tell me what else I can try. I saw a web site that sells dildos that can aid with that. Have you heard of people being successful using them?

-- Not giving up yet!

Dear Little Engine that Could,

There's a large debate about clitoral versus vaginal orgasms " Is there a difference?" , " Is a clitoral orgasm really an orgasm" , " Is orgasm a female goal or just an antifeminist male imposed one?" Who gives a damn?!?! The point is it feels good and women want more and to have more control over having orgasms!

There are a lot of theories and/or practices out there to teach women to have " vaginal orgasms" but since you readily achieve orgasm from clitoral stimulation we're going to recommend a sensate/association technique. Do your pre coitus activity as you normally would but hold off on the direct love button stimulation. Instead, lie down on your back with some pillows under your butt to raise your hips. Have your lover sit with his butt between his feet, groin to groin, so he can easily stimulate your little man in the boat while he's inside you. Begin coitus and have your lover, with a well lubed thumb, massage your clit in the ways you like it. The closer you get towards orgasm, the less you should have your partner push your love button.

The point here is to begin to associate the near orgasm feeling with vaginal stimulation. More than likely, this will not result in an immediate vaginal orgasm. You're teaching your body to have the same experience from a different area other than the easy one. This will take more than a few sessions but was homework ever this much fun!?! For another approach to achieving vaginal orgasms read this rather lengthy page and incorporate some of the techniques into the above practice. For a book on the subject, try 5 Minutes to Orgasm Every Time You Make Love by D. Claire Hutchins. Have fun!

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