What Can I do to Make My Vagina Taste Better?

Dear Couch,

My boyfriend has mentioned on several occasions during giving me oral sex that I taste very acidic.? I noticed advice on what men can do to make their come taste better, but what can women do if they have this problem?? Is this purely diet or can it be? attributed to other reasons - I am on no other medication except the pill.

P.S.- I eat a lot of veggies, fruits, etc.


Dear Stinky Twat,

Tell your boyfriend to stop being so damn finicky! He's not a frigging food critic and you're not the newest scene restaurant! There are so many factors involved between your vagina and your boyfriend's nose that Stephen Hawkins himself would use his calculator. Some of those factors are, your natural secretions, your vaginal flora and fauna (those are teeny weeny plants and animals), hormonal variations, pheromones, and the last time you rode a bike.

So what can you do? Shower or wash after you ride a bike or similar activity. In fact, this relates to one of our pet peeve issues. That being, why the hell don't we have bidets in this Country!?! We don't understand why the majority of the rest of the world, blessed by large amounts of clean water plumbing, uses bidets and America doesn't!?! What could be better than a quick twat or anus washing to stay fresh and tasty-clean between showers!?! As this actual letter by Walter Cronkite shows, you can't have enough of them! We demand bidets NOW!!!

OK. Enough of that. You can't do much about your pheromones. In fact, you can't do anything, but your flora, fauna, natural secretions, and hormonal variations could be adjusted temporarily by douching. The fact that you're on the pill will of course affect your hormonal variations of that oh so delicate place, your vagina. Douching can create a more neutral taste environment, but you should not do so too often. This site suggests douching with yogurt but also has the great idea to stick a little 'sweet and low' artificial sweetener up there prior to cunnilingus. Using a flavored lubricant can also help when you're not feeling oh so fresh.

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