My Husband Has Been Fantasizing About Sex With Men But if I Try and Talk About it He Becomes Violent!!
I have been married now for 5 1/2 years , and the last 2 years have been pure hell. My husband has been fantasizing about being with men. During sex he starts saying that he is gay, but then when he's finished he says it is just a joke. I try to tell him that it really turns me off but he doesn't care. On top of things if I approach him on this subject he becomes very violent and I have been the one to receive the resulting actions. If I don't want to act out his fantasies he gets violent again. I can't leave him because we have two daughters and we fight over who will get them. What do I do to keep things sane for me and my girls?
Dear I Married a Closet Case,
The only thing sadder than someone who becomes violent due to repressed homosexuality, is the object of their violence that puts up with it. In case you missed that After School Special, we'll review it for you domestic violence is wrong. The cause of your husband's violence is not important. He can be a repressed homosexual or a repressed homosexual fetishist (that's a case study for the journals!), the point is he is violent towards you so you have to leave him. Just set up the video camera to catch his next violent outburst and/or call the police and stick with the process of charging him with domestic.
We know all to well that victims of domestic violence just won't leave their abusers. We'll say it again anyway. Leave him. You're excuse for not exiting is a custody battle over your daughters. Please. You think it's better to raise them in a house where they hear him being physically violent towards you?! Here's a link to a site for domestic violence 1-800 help numbers by State. Use it, and take care of yourself and your daughters. He'll get help if/when he's ready.