My Wife is a Cyber Slut!!!!!

Dear Couch,

My wife of 13 years enjoys chatting and building relationships with men on the Net. Last year after my 15 year old stepson found a very sexually explicit letter to one of her cyber lovers she and I fought and she left. We are back together now. But lately I see the same behavior in her emerging. I know she has found a new ' friend' on the net. She has only (as far as I know) done this over the net via chatting and email. I am painfully and furiously jealous and this makes her very angry. She sees no harm in her behavior and threatens to leave again if I continue to whine about it. We also have a 12 year old son. Our 15 year old now lives with my sister-in-law. My wife also wants to move later this year to another state (her first cyber lover lives there). She and I rarely make love (her choice, I'm almost always ready), and I feel like I'm am going crazy and it's hard for me to sleep when I know my wife is awake and at the computer with her favorite hobby. Am I overreacting?

Dazed and Very Confused

Dear Train Wreck,

No, you're not over reacting. Your marriage and family are on an express train to the dumper. This is obviously a very dysfunctional environment for your children and it's been going on far too long. Asking your wife to stop being a cyber slut is not whining. It's telling her that you're not comfortable with this in your relationship and that she needs to STOP it! Your wife is obviously addicted to Internet relationships but if you have any doubt you can check this Cybersex Addiction symptom list.

Your wife is not being a cyber slut for no reason. Obviously, she is seeking out something that she is missing in her life. Is it you're fault? Most likely not. Her behavior sounds very obsessive and, in the true definition of addiction, involves repeated behavior that she knows is going to screw up her life and those close to her. She's already run off her own son to her sister's. You have to take some serious action. Make marriage and family counseling an ultimatum. Make it very clear to her that this is her only choice and chance to save the marriage/family. For starters we suggest you read Caught in the Net which deals with the growing problem of online affairs and offers pointers on seeking out therapists that take this problem seriously. If she refuses, begin divorce proceedings and all that dirty crap that comes with it. Just do something and do it now, for you and your children's sake. Good Luck.

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