How Come I'm not Getting Pregnant and all Those 14 Year Old Teenagers Are on the First Go??

Dear Couch,

I've been with my boyfriend for a long time now, he's 28 and wants to have children before he turns 30, I also want to have a child now, we've been trying for 4 months now, how come I'm not getting pregnant and all these 14 year old teenagers are on the first go?!


Dear Barren Ground,

You're right. All those 14 year old mothers sure are lucky! Maybe you should adopt one of their offspring that are growing up parentless in our Country's orphanages. Nothing pisses us off more than the rampant use off grossly expensive fertility drugs currently going on. These drugs result in litters of unviable fetuses of which many have to be aborted to give the others a chance at normal development. That's a chance. More often than not these babies are born with complications that will affect them the rest of their lives. All the while, orphaned children grow up hoping from day to day, year to year, they'll be adopted.

Add to this the religious zealots who go through fertility treatment and refuse to abort one or more fetuses to give the others a chance to survive. And the media picks up the stories about these two moronic couples and turns them into the Country's human interest story of the week. Then we're supposed to dig deep into our hearts and our pockets and send them money to help them with this litter of sickly pups. PULEEZ!!!! FORGET IT!!!! You had the money to get fertility treatment and you made the moronic decision not to abort some so others could attempt to grow normally (which is standard counseling before fertility treatment).

What we will advise the two of you to do is see a doctor for fertility examinations. But before you blow a bunch of money on attempting to bear a child, please consider adopting. We would also like to advise you to marry before doing either. Are we prudes? No. But it will make the life of your child a little more normal. If you can't commit to each other for 18 years, you shouldn't be raising a child together. We do believe, if it is at all possible, it is best for a child to be raised in a two parent household for all the obvious reasons.

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