My Wife Recently Began Having Serious Flashbacks of Past Sexual Abuse Memories!

Dear Couch,

I've been married for almost 1 year.  Recently, my wife began having serious flashbacks regarding the severe sexual abuse she suffered from her father.  She is seeing a Psychologist now and I am going with her periodically.  I love her very much and want to help her through this.  However, our sex life has suffered severely.   We have always been extremely passionate and adventurous, now even " normal" sex is too much for her to handle.  Her counselor has said that the recovery of these types of memories often happens when a person is in a safe and stable environment but it is difficult to understand that wild sex was something she could only have when she felt unsafe or with someone she didn't really care for.  It has been 3 months since we last made love, what can I do to bring back some romance?


Dear Impatient,

Hey! We're not big fans of repressed sexual abuse memories and the therapists that deal (as in make a bunch of money off of the ridiculously  long psychotherapy) in it. However, we're not going to say it's all bullshit either. Sure, we believe that traumatic events can, in rare cases be suppressed, only to rise up and bite the person in the conscious ass later on. We also believe in rare, very rare, cases of multiple personality. Considering however, the piggybank heyday psychiatrists had with these two disorders in the late eighties, skepticism automatically rears it's head. But we're not going to pass judgement on your lady's condition. That's up to you.

What we are going to judge, is your fawking insensitivity to your new wife's current situation! If she had uterine cancer would you be sending us a whiny letter about not getting your rocks off!?! Please! Your wife is having " serious flashbacks regarding sexual abuse" and you're complaining about your sex life?!? We think you've misunderstood the psychologist's comments. What we think she meant is that repressed sexual abuse memories often come to the forefront only when the victim is in a safe and stable relationship. Makes sense eh? Once she finds herself with a partner she trusts she can deal with those past issues involving abused trust.

We want you to take a more active role in her therapy. Don't be pushy but we feel it is important to involve the current sexual partner here, not as a caretaker, but as a reality check " Yea, so your daddy diddled you and that was really bad and it sucks it happened to you but here's this great guy you're married to and he ain't your daddy!" . Too often psychologists/therapists want to wander about the past. Well therapy ain't about living in the past. It's about dealing with it and living in the present/future!! So stop being an insensitive weenie and move your relationship to the present!

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