My Husband Doesn't Initiate Sex Much Anymore, and I Fear that He Isn't Attracted to Me in My Pregnant State??

Dear Couch,

I am 7 months pregnant. My husband doesn't initiate sex much anymore, and I fear that he isn't attracted to me in my pregnant state. He tells me I am beautiful, and all the things I want to hear, but still, he was more sexually attentive before I got so bulky. I still crave the intimacy that we had before. What can I do to resolve this? When I tell him how I feel, I think he denies it just to spare my feelings. How can a pregnant woman still turn on her husband?

pregnant woman with complex

Dear Beach Ball,

Pregnancy certainly brings with it a change in sexual feelings. This is pretty normal as there is a large (no pun intended) change in the woman's physiology as a result of sexual activity. Now everyone reading this can sit around and say, ' Duh you stupid sex advice columnist people! That is how babies get made!!' but that's not what men are thinking when they get sexually turned on. Like it or not people, as smart and far removed from the animals as we think we are, we're still responding to the same evolutionary DNA that our monkey cousins share 98 of. So think about the affect of millions of years on the desire to poke a pregnant women, versus a woman that's not. The DNA of the non-preggers seeking male will prosper over others. Now you're saying, ' Yea, yea, yea, but we're not monkeys Couch and we can't wander over to the next non-preggers female, sniff her butt and start pumping!!' This is true, for most of us with any class, we're just pointing out the normalcy in a change in his sexual feelings.

We suggest you focus more on the snuggly business and take the pressure off requiring your husband to behave in the same sexual manner as before you were pregnant. This link talks about the various changes in sexual desire between the expecting couple. Hopefully he's just slow to adjust and may become more comfortable with this change and even get used to it. Better late than never as you two may decide to have another child and he'll be prepared. Of course you may be more sensitive to your physical appeal due to your pregnant self. On a sadder note, we're sorry to inform you that men's affections and sexual behavior changes again after the child is born. He becomes number two in your world and you have to remember to reaffirm his importance in your life. Take a look at this book, Parents In Love: Reclaiming Intimacy After Your Child Is Born for dealing with that. Also you should get ready to do your Kegel exercises to tighten up what pregnancy and child birth loosen up.

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