Bisexual Cross Dresser Unable to Maintain an Erection With His Woman!!

Dear Couch,

My situation is somewhat bizarre. First thing is that I'm bisexual and a cross dresser (yes I'm male). I'm deep in the closet. I enjoy dressing as a woman and sometimes wish I could do it more openly. My problem is that over the last four years I have had no relationship whatsoever. So in my loneliness I would masturbate and fantasize mainly about men but also about women.

Recently I finally got into a relationship with a wonderful girl. I really like her we get along so well. Of course she doesn't know about my sexuality. Whenever I get involved with a woman I just shut down the bi x-dressing half of myself. It has never been a problem for me to do that and it's not a problem now. However I now seem to have a problem with maintaining an erection with her.  I'm very scared.  I've NEVER had this problem before. I mean I get very excited and want to have sex with her there's no doubt in my mind. I just don't understand. I have been under a lot of stress in other areas of my life if that makes a difference. Could it be that I'm gay or impotent or that I'm too used to masturbation or under too much stress. I'm scared and confused. I'm only 26, could this be a medical issue? This is all hurting my self esteem. My girlfriend thinks that I'm not attracted to her.

please help me

Dear Limp In Heels,

Let's eliminate medical impotency first. If you're jerking off and/or waking up with the usual morning wood then it's probably not physical (usual disclaimer you can only be sure if you go to a doctor, duh). You state you fantasize more about men than women when masturbating. This leads us to feel you lean more towards gay than straight in your bisexuality. Not uncommon. Most people that are bisexual lean one way or the other. As to whether or not this is the cause of Mr. Happy playing shy, only you can answer that. Shutting down this side of yourself may be a problem this time. Other than that it could be performance anxiety, the stress in  your life, or a combination of all of these things.

We don't understand why you're so deep in the closet. It's not like there aren't people out there looking for cross dressing males for sexual relationships. The fact is, no matter what city you live in there is a sub-culture with these same sexual tastes. So unless you're living in the Unabomber's old place, you shouldn't have trouble meeting someone that is looking for you in heels. Along the same line, if you really like this girl, you're going to have to share this part of yourself with her eventually. It may relieve your problem immediately but you should make it clear to her that this is not going to be the only way you can perform. For a text to support your coming out for both of you try, Bi any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out.

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