I'm Worried Because I Can't Hold My Lover's Semen Inside Me?

Dear Couch,

Wanted first to say thanks for your informative no bullshit site. My problem is that when me and my fianc� have sex I can not hold his semen inside me. It just comes out when I stand or move afterwards. I feel that my muscles are strong because I exercise them and I am pretty tight. Is this my body's fault or is there something wrong with his semen? PS. we are both disease free and only with each other. What should I do?

Spills :(

Dear Leaks,

We would tell you our secret to holding fluids within the vagina but it would violate our deal with the tampon and sanitary pad industry. We're not trying to suggest you're naive here but .... WAKE UP!!!!!!!! What the fawk! You think you should be able to squeeze and hold a bunch of spunk in your twat after getting pumped for the whole five minutes your fianc� takes?!?! Again!!! Wake Up!!!! It's completely normal for semen to leak out of you after sex. Where the hell do you think the term 'the wet spot' came from!?!?

We're going to assume you are sexually inexperienced and trying to get knocked up or you wouldn't ask such a stupid question. First of all, why are you so hell bent on squeezing out pups before you have the simplest of worldly knowledge to raise them. We can see you in fourteen years telling your daughter she doesn't need tampons and to just hold it in. Cripes!!!! Why don't you give your body a break and enjoy sexual relations with your new hubby for a few years before you try and procreate. You're future child will thank you and so will the rest of us.

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