Look at me when I'm talking to you!

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Look at me when I'm talking to you!

Postby Smushface » Wed Sep 16, 2009 8:35 am

I don't think I'm alone in this. When you are talking with someone or someone is talking to you I think it's common courtesy to look at them, preferrably in their eyes or atleast facial region. I don't mind things like a light flashing and you looking to check it out. I even don't mind texting while we converse. So long as between sending and recieving you are looking at me and are able to effectively multi-task.

I do not like it when I'm talking and the person is never looking at me except to glance. Like paying attention, but in reverse. Please don't stare at the tv and glance at me non-comitally. Don't sit there and type away on gtalk or read stuff online while I wait for some sort of response! Don't tell me when I comment about that being insulting that you are 'thinking of a response' when it's clear you are not paying any attention, and you'll inevitably ask me what I was talking about.

Oh, and getting upset that I'm upset over it will not make it any better. I'm a very simple person. If you think I'm in 'lecture' mode there is a good chance I'm trying to open a dialogue. Wether you agree with what I'm saying or not say something. I'm totally okay with you responding with something like, "I don't know what to say" or, "I don't have anything to add", or even " Okay, I haven't thought about that before." Something that makes me feel like I'm being taken in to account here.

Staring at me blankly is not alright. I'm also okay if the conversation is flowing, but you aren't looking at me. It's slightly rude, but I can deal with that so long as I know I'm being paid attention to. Give me something, by God.

But, just to cover all the bases : Look at me and respond with something, even if the response is trivial at best.

Hell, if I'm saying something you whole-heartedly disagree with tell me so. It'll open a debate and give us both a chance for fresh perspectives. I like to debate and talk stuff out.

I know I'm like a ferret. If something shiny catches my eye I'll look, and if it's shiny enough I may even stare at it. But, the conversation does not come to a grinding halt. I still respond. I still look at the person I'm talking to. I don't like to be treated like I'm the shiny thing in your peripheral vision while you are focused on something else when I am conversating with you.

I, also, do not revolve my conversations around the tv. Staring at it while I talk until the commercials when you turn it down and finally look at me, all the while glancing at the tv for your show to come back on so you can turn the volume back up is unacceptable!

It is NOT COOL! .... Wow, that does feel better.

Edited for typo's
If you can't serve as a good example may as well be a horrible warning.
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Re: Look at me when I'm talking to you!

Postby Emma » Wed Sep 16, 2009 7:09 pm

*looks deep into smushie's eyes*

I have the exact same thing! I cannot stand it when I am talking to someone and they aren't paying attention. If anything it is more likely to make me enter "lecture mode" closely followed by full on warp speed anger mode. It is rude. I hate it. It was a big bone of contention in my last relationship. My ex also used to ignore me if I said stuff that didn't technically need a response. For example if I said something like "I can't believe I have work tomorrow, I am so tired". Technically no response is needed, but it made me feel so worthless to have nothing at all said to me. HE told me I was mad etc and an attention whore, but I saw it that it was just general conversation and something bland, equivalent to "there, there" would have been fine, but nothing at all, not even acknowledgement that I had said anything would drive me absolutely insane. ARGHH!!
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Re: Look at me when I'm talking to you!

Postby explorer » Thu Sep 17, 2009 5:40 am

I wholeheartedly agree with both of you. It's a rarity to find anyone these days that even have any concept of manners. Of course it doesn't help that people are so friggin' addicted to television that they're completely blind to the world around them. I'm starting to think that our parents and grandparents were right: TV really DOES rot your brain.

All kidding aside, it really does boil down to common decency, something that isn't so common these days.

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Re: Look at me when I'm talking to you!

Postby Starshine » Sun Oct 25, 2009 5:17 am

The flip side -- if it's a conversation, then I agree. Looking at the person with whom you are conversing, without staring them down, is a part of the conversation; it's non-verbal.

On the other hand -- Mr. Starshine is an excellent communicator. He has no problem letting me, or anyone else who will listen, know how he feels about any number of things...particularly politics, or one particular family situation involving his brother, or cops sitting with their radar guns when they should be doing more important police work, or taxes he's paid for all his life and never gotten anything back, especially school tax because he never had any children of his own.

When we sit down to lunch together and he starts one of these conversations, I neither look at him, nor encourage him to talk. He will talk long enough without any encouragement from me. It's difficult to pretend to be interested in something you have heard a hundred or more times.

The reverse is that there are plenty of times he just doesn't listen to me. He can ask me a question that I've answered by making a statement five minutes ago...tells me he wasn't listening. Am I bothered? Not really unless it's something important. I've learned when I've got something important to say that he needs to retain, I have to ask him to stop what he's doing and look at me. Then he hears me. Whether or not he will remember is another matter lol.
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Re: Look at me when I'm talking to you!

Postby Smushface » Sun Oct 25, 2009 6:30 am

Most hilaious example I have and then a not so funny one : Superbowl day has arrived (I don't remember which one). Sugarbutt and I have had a tiff all day. Pre-show starts. He is dead on his feet and nodding off during our argument. I throw him a bone and just let him go to sleep telling him we'll finish up later. I come in to wake him up and, as he himself admits, have a very important valid argument-winning point to make. He's been asleep the WHOLE DAMN GAME!!!! It's the last two minutes, and there is no chance of a come back. Think the score would be something like 100 - 20. The last two minutes won't matter. I'm standing in front of the tv making my world-class poing and he actually asked me to move "It's the last two minutes baby!!! I really need to watch this!" THE LAST TWO! He had slept through the whole bloody thing. 30 minutes later we were laughing so hard at his ridiculous 'man-action' that there could be no arguing. It was truly one of the funniest things.

Not so funny. I pulled a dirty woman move. We have a large tv (old, and given to us) I want to say 54', but not sure. Now, I"m a small woman, but fiesty. I had asked him nicely to take out the garbage. I understand that this is not a time dependant chore. *Only* issue I had was we have a tiny kitchen, the full bag was taking up too much room as was the oveflow garbage, and I had a lot more cleaning to go. So, I was willing to wait a bit, but it had been a few (3 or more) hours. Plenty of commercial time. So I did the dirty woman thing. I took my tiny frame, firmly implanted it in front of the giant tv and waited 15 minutes while he missed the part of whatever show it was he liked the most. The garbage magically dissapeaed. I don't know how a tv over twice my size can be blocked by me, but it worked.

Side note : When I was finished with the rest of the cleaning I took out the 2nd load of garbage so he didn't have to.
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